I’m getting married in 11 months and my mother-in-law won’t “let us” get married unless it’s at Keswick.
My fiance and his family are good with money, but they don’t have extra to spend on something like Keswick. My family is definitely comfortable, but wouldn’t spend that kind of money on something outwardly extravagant.
I told my fiance that I was not going to ask my family to pay for Keswick, but his mom isn’t accepting the answer. I asked him to tell her again that we’re not having the wedding there, but he refuses to get involved. What should I do?
Vexed over Venues
I do not think the real problem is the venue. This sounds like a boundary issue that all three of you are struggling with. Your MIL is the obvious boundary breaker. She is not paying for the wedding and seems to think she has the right to dictate your lives as adults.
But your fiance has a boundary problem too. What does he say when she continues to bring up the wedding venue? How has he handled her behavior in the past? How old is he?? If he is truly adult enough to get married he can certainly stand up to his mother.
There’s really no argument when it comes to this wedding. You have already put your foot down. As far as I’m concerned, there’s nothing left to talk about.
However, you may need to learn some critical phrases for his mother. Standing up for yourself doesn’t have to feel aggressive. Sometimes noncommittal phrases are all you need to get past an awkward family dinner.
If you’re at a loss for words, try these:
“That’s an interesting point.”
“I hadn’t thought of that.”
“Is that so?”
“You sound like you’re feeling __”
“I’ll have to think about that.”
“I don’t know.”
“Let me get back to you once I’ve checked my calendar.”
“Seems like you’ve put a lot of thought into this.”
“I hear what you’re saying.”
And of course there’s always:
Curbiture
Published May 2, 2023
Even David Foster Wallace got his stories rejected--did you know that?
By Owen Cash